The world is full of triggers – children, neighbors, friends, co-workers, bosses and yes, spouses or partners. I get on well with them both like they’re my own. It just happened and it brings back so many bad memories from before. The difference between the bipolar and healthy individual is their approach to handling the trigger. I’ve been with my bi-polar hubby for 5 years and we have a happy marriage, although times do get a little tough when he’s suffering with an episode. Expressed Emotion (EE) is an important term often used in therapy with couples and families. There will always be a trigger for a bipolar individual, always. He refuses treatment and “disagrees with the diagnosis.” pretty hard to see how it could improve with that. It’s terrifying and stressful, and being extremely hormonal and scared and pregnant, I know I don’t handle the situation in a way that will lessen any stress that he’s feeling. Hi Liz, I have been with my Husband for 14Years and he was diagonised with Bipola 3Years ago. So many people in their community are focused on the well-being of the bipolar person that they forget about the spouse. Couples need to have a way of processing these incidents to avoid building up resentments. Every time I’ve been confronted with the decision to stay or leave, I chose to stay, for all of the same reasons you mention. Hang in there mate, talk any time. Prehaps you could talk to him about spending time in a closed rehabilitation clinic with specialists who can help treat addiction and bipolar – and a place where he has no access to drugs. When he was still manic he thought I was over reacting and making a big deal out of nothing. They were about three years apart. Those with psychosocial disabilities truly have no place in the United States. The only advice I can give you about communication is to communicate your needs clearly and calmly (stress is a trigger) – if it’s too difficult to talk at this stage – prehaps you could take some time to write down your feelings in an email or letter. I can’t give any advice or guidance but if you look back would you have gone through this and made that first date? My only regret was not leaving sooner and protecting my children like a proper parent should. Bipolar infidelity is a common – and tragic – consequence of mania and hypersexuality. Yes, it's a tough question, was it him or his illness talking. It's a sad tough day for you mate, I send you love. He has never been committed to taking his medications and believes that all drugs are bad for him including his prescribed medications. I honestly don’t know how much longer I can let him keep “trying”. He hates me now. So, I called his doctor and as expected, he was deemed hypomanic again, he was advised to resume his meds but of course he refused. 1. My husband of 16 years is moving out tomorrow. Once the Bipolar spouse is stable, it is possible for both partners to gain insight to the disorder and its impact on both partners – both as individuals and on the marriage.3, References:1https://med.uth.edu/psychiatry/blog/spouse-partner-person-diagnosed-bipolar-disorder-can-roller-coaster/2http://ibpf.org/article/when-you%E2%80%99re-married-someone-bipolar-disorder3https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6058431/. I stand sobbing outside just feeling lost because this man that I love so much has to be taken this way. 2 and 6. Sarah. Living with a husband or wife who has bipolar disorder can be difficult. Once you start blaming us for that too, you’ve doomed the relationship. All loving relationships take work and being with someone [who lives with] bipolar is no different,” adds Glo, from bphope.com. We have a two year old boy and let me tell you that it’s very difficult either way. I love her very much and i respect her just as much and i do believe i show her that everyday and also i give her a lot of attention too. LOL But now thinking back, I see very clearly the reason why he was paranoid at certain times over something that I wouldn’t have given a second thought. Abuse can take various forms. He will take his meds! I will not give up. I find it hard to talk to others because most of the time there are no words to describe what I truly feel. Hopefully I’ve offered some advice from ten-fifteen years down the road that you find useful. She’s always verbally abusive and has been getting physical as time passes by which I can take. He would not allow me to take him, always saying “not today, do it tomorrow….” so I called the Crisis Center. And if you tried your best and it didn’t work out, don’t take it out on the rest of the world and try to ruin the lives of other bipolar people, who you know nothing about and had nothing to do with your relationship. We have been married for 19 years now. How do people not feel bad about this? 2: Establish boundaries and rules. I told them I was fearful that he would explode when someone came to take him for help. You just have to learn for yourself if you can accept the behavior for the rest of your life or not. Experience of being the spouse/cohabitant of a person with bipolar affective disorder: a cumulative process over time Scand J Caring Sci. He is addicted to weed and is also self medicating with street drugs and going through a manic episode the past month. ‘if you didn’t hang my dirty shirt in the wardrobe i wouldn’t have reacted this way’ its the little things that tick him off. Next minute, he ceased all his meds! If he doesn’t feel any responsibility for his negative behavior a therapist may be able to help him develop some introspection. It isn’t worth the stress. But he doesn’t want to take his Meds. It just can’t be about feelings, ever. In order to get better, you have to stop blaming other people and other things for your own problems. Three years later, healing my own childhood wounds and my propensity to try to be there and fix someone who didn’t want help, I am a survivor and now fully thriving. I feel my eyes and voice change and he doesn’t seem to care. When the reality of life, kids, bills, etc hit, the non-bipolar becames the nagging, criticizing, bit** that is ruining the bipolar life. I can take the abuse from her. you) with a mental health professional than with you or a couples therapist. The right counselor can do wonders but it takes the cooperation of both partners. Laura, our stories are eerily similar. I’ve been married about the same amount of time as you and I thought things would be easier by now. I read so many negative comments about people with bipolar from their spouses yet wonder in how many cases they play a role and impact the relationship in a very negative way. I was able to move in with him (pay rent as well). He is totally obsessed with it! I just cant I am now sinking into depression, everyone who knows me can see a huge difference in the way I am. I’m going to find a physiotherapist to talk to. He has never understood what I went through. He is not physically abusive, has been employed, takes his medications and we do not have ugly outbursts in front of the kids. All of these comments have made me feel like I’m not going crazy. 2. Don’t get me wrong, my mom and I are great friends. Bipolar is treatable, medications and counseling help a great deal, but theres still things about bipolar disorder that I dont think Ill ever figure out." Boy was I wrong. Anna I am in exactly the same position as you and I am truly changing my mind daily about whether to stay or go. Spouses can become annoyed or irritated with the excessive talking, decreased need for sleep, mood swings, and anger displayed during manic episodes. Something my sister and I, have affecting us until this day. It is critical to discover the facts and avoid the pitfalls of this detrimental aspect of the disorder. Abuse can take the form of. U may not be able to fix us but you can love us! I didn’t take the verbal and emotional things he would say and do personally, I knew it was “the disease”. I am filing for divorce soon. He constantly misses her therapy session and he doe want to his psychiatrist anymore. I hadn’t a clue what that meant after she was the most important part of my life. Our main problem is that he is still in denial of his illness therefor he refuses treatment. 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